Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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