What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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