sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
