Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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