everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
