Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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