Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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