1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
