id be glad to
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
