I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
