she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
