So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
