The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
