He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
