Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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