Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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