I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
