I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
