Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
