apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
