If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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