we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
