Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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