went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We need to feng shui this bitch.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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