I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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