In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
