My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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