and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize