She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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