Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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