Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
