bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
