hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
