I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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