youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
