I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
