I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
