My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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