So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
