she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
