he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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