Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
