32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
