Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
