White coat. Heels.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
