Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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