Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
