I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
