I'm really into asian looking animals
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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