you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
