fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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