dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
