You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
