Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
