perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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