you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
