I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
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Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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