i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
