i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
