I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
