Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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