The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's blow job season.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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