YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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