1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
