What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
