Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
