I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
