3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
