she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
