how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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