I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
