If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
