that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
