I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
