I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
