My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
