Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize