my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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