If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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