apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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