Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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