I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize