When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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