the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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