Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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