Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
