The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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